EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 2

IMPATIENCE

Another factor that may contribute to feelings of discontentment is impatience. In this culture of instant gratification, it is often difficult to wait even a week for something, much less for a month or more. Today we do not have to wait for stores to open; they are open 24 hours a day. We do not have to wait for an item to be in stock. We can buy it online. We do not have to save our money for an item. We can just buy the item with a credit card. Computers have facilitated our ability to gather information and goods from all over the world in a matter of seconds. When it comes to fertility, however, waiting is part of the process.

Many women use some sort of birth control earlier in their lives in order to prevent pregnancy, so it may come as a surprise when they do not immediately become pregnant when they discontinue their medication (or use of a contraceptive device.) Age may also be a factor. Some women do not start trying to have children until their 30s and then expect everything to work according to their timeline. Try to keep in mind that just because something does not happen when we want it to, does not mean that it will not happen in the future. It may very well be part of God's plan for you to have children, but His idea of perfect timing may be very different from yours.

Did you expect to become pregnant right away?

In the Bible, Abraham was 100 years old, and Sarah was 90 years old when they finally had their son Isaac, (see Genesis 17:17; 21:5). Can you imagine waiting your entire life to become pregnant? Later, Isaac and Rebekah struggled to have children. They ended up waiting for 20 years to have their twins, Jacob and Esau (see Genesis 25:20, 26).

Being patient for years is a constant battle. It is clear that when women in the Old Testament faced infertility, they did not always wait on God to change their situation. The Bible tells us in Genesis 16:1-5 that after ten years of not being able to conceive, Sarah decided to use her own method to solve the problem. She told Abraham, '''The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her'''(Genesis 16:2). Later, in Genesis 30:3, Rachel chose to do the same thing: she offered her husband, Jacob, her maidservant in an effort to have children.

Today most women do not have servants, but even if they did, they would not offer them to their husbands as substitutes in order to have children. Do you think using current reproductive technologies is a way that couples today take matters into their own hands to accelerate the process? Why or why not?

Having the patience to wait for good things in life can have a huge impact on our feelings of contentment with our day-to-day circumstances. Remember that each egg released into a woman's womb is unique. God may be waiting until a specific month when a particular egg is released to give you exactly the right child.

JEALOUSY

Another challenge for women dealing with infertility is to rejoice in a genuine way with those who are expecting or who already have children. There is a natural tendency to be jealous, not necessarily because of the actual children, but because of the experience of having children. However, when a woman feels jealous, she is often viewing motherhood in a very idealistic way. When a person sees a beautiful, precious baby, he or she is not thinking of midnight feedings, stinky diapers, spit up, crying, worry, and exhaustion. It is the love and bonding and the joy of seeing a child grow and develop that people wish for. The reality is that with the blessing of children come inconveniences as well. Jealousy wears rose-colored glasses.

Do you think you are realistic about the demands of motherhood? Why or why not?

Women who have no trouble getting pregnant are sometimes insensitive to and completely unaware of the feelings of women who are struggling to conceive. When we have an unfulfilled desire for children, it can be difficult to acknowledge that God gives children to teenagers and single women who do not even want them. God does not give women children because they deserve them, or even because they have earned them. We simply cannot always understand God's overall plan or His choices for each of us.

When seeing or interacting with a pregnant woman, what emotions have you experienced?